Man As God


There is a saying in Ibo language that goes “No two people are the same”, although the Yorubas believe that everyone was created in twos, I on the other hand, despite my tribe, have always taken sides with the Igbo people on this matter, I do not want to believe that there is someone out there who dresses, thinks and looks exactly like I do, I do not believe that anyone else could be this awesome :D.

The bible says where two or three are gathered, there is the presence of the Lord, I say, where two or three Nigerians are gathered, there exists gossip. When the average Nigerian boy sits to talk with his friends, if they are not talking about football or music, they are most definitely discussing girls. How one girl behaves all “sainty” but is actually a freak, how one goes from her boyfriend’s house to church to minister, or how one has slept with everyone.
Girls one the other hand. LOL. How one boy (who they have slept with btw) is so ugly and dirty, how the girl staying in the upperbunk had sex in Anglomoz, how they wonder what that cute boy is doing with that girl who dresses so bad, or how the girl who loves lying has so much “Sculopy™” in her fine tight dress. People gossip, it is like a way of life, a tradition.

Asides the gossip and the “Oh my God she had Ice-cream sex”, we judge like it’s the sixth sense, we believe that just because we think something is cool or right, it is, and everyone with an opposing opinion is wrong. We love foreign music so those who listen to Nigerian music are local and razz. We sip tea and chew bread so those who dip bread in tea are stupid. We listen to rap music so those who listen to pop are fruity and gay. We rarely change out dp and pm so those who do are attention seekers. It is not cool to us so it’s not cool at all!

I will be honest, I am very guilty too, let me be graphic for the first time ever, there is this dude in my class with a PARIS chain and I make fun of him (behind his back :() every chance I get, it’s not cool to me so how dare it be cool to him. Or how the dude with the Yoruba cap and beads on t-Shirt and jeans with sneakers looks so stupid. It’s razz to me so how can he think he looks fashionable?

We judge like we are perfect and can do no wrong, forgetting our past. We get angry at those who send bcs forgetting that we used to send 7 jokes a day with all those creepy and annoying autotext stuffs when we just got out BlackBerry devices. We unfollow the #TeamFollowback voltrons forgetting how we famzed Tunde Ednut and Eldee for a followback when we just opened a Twitter account.
As the opening paragraph stated, no two people are the same, no two people were designed to think in the same manner, skinny jeans is cool to me and my friend loves bootcut while his brother prefers baggy jeans. People should learn to cut others some slack just because they do not meet your “coolness criteria” because that shirt you love so much, Dangote’s son won’t look at it twice.


Sundays, Fridays and After School Ikores.

There is hardly any Nigerian out there who did not have a religion imposed on him/her as a kid. I mean, growing up in Nigeria, you probably had to follow either dad or mum to church or mosque every Friday or Sunday (or in my case, occasionally). There is any Nigerian who did not have religion forced down his/her throat. I’m not talking about one’s teenage years now, no. I’m referring to those days when we were in primary school having to follow mum to one of the numerous deliverance sessions or special “ikores” in church right after school. Even families where the parents practised different religions, you just had no choice but to pick one.

Growing up, father hardly ever went to church so Sunday mornings were spent watching cartoons or, most of the time, washing my school uniform in preparation for school on Monday. On a few occasions, we held “services” at home where we clapped and murmured something inaudible for a few minutes and then prayed for even fewer minutes. On the few occasions we actually did go to church, we went late and left early. The point I’m trying to make here is that even though we rarely ever attended church, just like every other normal Nigerian, our religion was not a choice, we were born into it.

A friend of mine says that the problem with mankind is that everyone thinks his opinion is the best, in this case, his religion. An average Christian automatically thinks every other person who is not a Christian is doomed to eternal damnation – hell – I mean, even an average “Deeper Lifer” believes that girls who wear trousers are on a one way path to hell, much less a “filthy” unbeliever. We have Islamic extremists all over the world killing for their “god”. As at December 2011, churches were been bombed in hundreds at the northern side of Nigeria as Christians were being killed by the Islamic sect Boko Haram.

Let us be realistic though, I do not understand how I, who was born into a Christian family and has been a Christian for the past twenty years of my life would convert to any other religion after my Christianity has been tested and trusted. What we do not understand however, is that a twenty-something Indian, who has been a Buddhist all his life, has prayed and gotten answers to his prayers, his ill sister was healed of malaria by Buddha, should convert to your own religion just because you tell him that your god does the same thing for you what his does for him, doesn’t that seem a bit, I don’t know, stupid?

A friend once quoted a line out of a movie that goes “If God was one, why so many religions?” and another friend replied saying “But if Ife was one, why are there so many routes leading to it?”.
That is exactly what my point is, what if all these religions are just different outlets to one God? Like, how a transformer powers a whole street through several outlets or a generator to a house through several sockets. What if God, knowing He created us all different not to think in the same pattern, decided to create several ways by which one could worship Him? I mean, we have all heard stories that most of the celebrated dates in Christianity are actually pagan worship days, how Sunday was the day the Greeks worshipped ancient sungods. How Christmas was a day pagans celebrated their sex festival (both hetero & homosexual sex). Even the Jehovah’s Witnesses, a faction of Christianity do not believe in Hell!
Or what if, just what if, the greatest story ever told, was a lie.